Encouragement of the century

So last night was the most encouraged and cared for that Ryan and I have felt in a long time. Pretty simple, too. We just prayed. But it was needed, and Ryan and I have felt dry, tired, weak, frustrated, and even unmotivated lately. So Jesus initiated this prayer time in people's minds/hearts at JUST the right time.

Sam and Dyan Windom, Erin Martell, Allie Rothman, and the 2 of us...we prayed for just over an hour...but MAN oh MAN did God come in heavy ways.

We prayed for the church for awhile; for the people, the leadership, the direction. Then we had some time where they all just prayed over me, and later...just Ryan. I don't want to forget the many encouraging and spirit filled things that were prayed over me, so I'm going to write them down so I can refer back to them often.

**You are in His Hands
**God uses you to encourage other people in tremendous ways. Don't be afraid to speak out into people in clear/direct/encouraging ways, even when you're not "sure" if it's just something you're thinking or if God is really pushing you to do that. They prayed about how I
**God is going to use your upcoming trip to the orphanage in Nicaragua and he will change your life in the process.
**They prayed for my hands to have a healing touch to the kids we see/visit/play with at the orphanage...that my hands would be reassuring as I hug and healing as I pray for kids.
**You are called to be on a hard road as a pastor's wife with a role of being an emotional doctor in so many people's lives, and that is not always fun and certainly not easy. But it's not meant to be a burden, it's meant to be a joy.
More later...as I continue to remember...

crazy stupid fun

crazy

1st grade girls...are crazy. I can't believe how mean they are, and catty, and lippy, and just...mean. Ellie has either witnessed or been told by her "friends" that someone/she, can't be friends with them anymore. (FLASHBACK to my 6th grade year when I was told that, too. But for real...6 year olds?) I had to rub my daughter's back last night as she was crying and didn't understand what it meant when someone screamed at her: STOP STEALING MY FRIENDS. Oh dear God help give me the patience and wisdom and tenderness to encourage Ellie and pour into her appropriately.

stupid

imagining my family on 20/20...is stupid. Emma, Griffin, and I took Ellie lunch at school today. It was our week...Ryan and I take turns each week. It's such a fun way to get to see/know all the first graders and also see Ellie's face mid-day. It's only 22 min. long for crying out loud, but at least we're keeping our faces in the school. Today, however, I imagined my family as the token "kid gone missing" episode at 10:00 on a friday night. Ellie left the lunchroom to go get her coat (outdoor recess is right after lunch). I waited for her to come back to the lunchroom, but she didn't. It was toward the end of lunch so I figured she must have just gone outside to play on the playground and just didn't say goodbye to us. I waited in the hallway and didn't see her. I went outside on the playground, but still didn't see her. So I figured she was still in her classroom. on my drive home, however, I started to imagine those tv shows and started freaking out that Ellie was stolen or something. Needless to say, I was soon on the phone with the school, asking them to check to make sure she was in her classroom. Oh man...I became "one of those moms" today.

fun

my kids...they just are SO fun.I really can't say it enough; I just am loving this time with my kids. Friday night family pizza/movie night has become a tradition (tonight was our 7th week in a row) and it's just too great. When the girls were praying for dinner tonight they thanked God that it was Friday so we could have time together. WHAT? I love it. I pray over and over that they just continue to love it.


griffin...my little marshmallow...The kid just cracks me up right now. He is a walking ham. He makes the most hilarious facial expressions, he eats so incredibly much, he plays peek-a-boo but covers his EARS instead of his EYES. I love it. He gives his sisters the most awkward, but adorable, hugs every time he sees them because he just loves them so much. And he loves to sing and dance. I mean for real...like no other one year old I've ever seen. The girls are nutso when it comes to the dance floor, so we have dance parties a lot. But Griffin is NOT ashamed to just break it down. The kid grooves and turns his head sideways and "raises the roof," for lack of a better description. Just too fun...

chicago...most memorable weekend I've had in a loooong time...and SO much fun!

My mom had the greatest idea to take the girls and I to Chicago for Emma's upcoming birthday. She was so excited at the thought of getting the girls an American Girl Doll. So, after inviting my sister (Kiki) and dad (Papa) and loading up the car with big girl purses, clothes, shoes, movies, snacks, and lip gloss...we were off. WHAT a weekend it was. Two nights at the Embassy Suites, lots of rides on cool "alligators" (that's what Emma calls escalators; too cute to correct her, even if she IS almost 4), and elevators, fancy food, shopping on Michigan Ave., deep dish Chicago pizza, and a two and a half hour GIRL TIME in the famous American girl palace, we loaded back up and drove home. It was perfect. I have never enjoyed time with my babes as much as I did last weekend.

Discernment

So that's the word that was in our "Get Wisdom" book this morning. I picked that page to do/talk about because I thought it was appropriate for Ellie now in the social scene at school. :)

I HIGHLY recommend this book...it's amazing.

Anyways, after it defined discernment, it had a few verses from Proverbs 4 in there about choosing the level path. We talked about what that meant and why it's important. The book always gives a few great examples about how the child can apply that word/concept to their life. I added a few of my own in there too. Then, there are some lines for the kids to write out 1 or 2 ways they could practice "discernment," or whatever word is being focused on that day. Ellie was quiet for a looong time so I finally asked her what she wanted to write down. She said she was praying so I waited a minute longer. When she said Amen, I asked her what she was talking to God about. She told me that she didn't want to tell me, and then put her head down. After MUCH reassuring that I wouldn't be mad at her, that it's always better to talk about things and to tell the truth rather than hold it in, and that I loved her no matter what, she opened up to me...

And this was it:
She told a little boy at school to Shut up.

Yep, that was what was breaking her heart. She knew it wasn't ok and that we don't say that word in our house. And she knew there was a better way to handle the fact that this kid was driving her nuts in line (tapping her, talking when they were supposed to be quiet, etc.). So she broke down and said it.
While talking about discernment she realized that she had chosen the wrong path and didn't choose the right way. I LOVE that that scenario from school popped into her mind when we were talking this morning.

Now...praying for MANY MANY MANY more opportunities to talk, confess, pray, and learn together with Ellie...and the other 2 kiddos as well.

7 DAYS OF SCHOOL LATER

Ok...I know sending Ellie to school is right...at least I THINK it's right. Having her home with me last year was the absolute best decision I've ever made though. I am so so so so so so so thankful that I had one more year with my peanut. I'm loving that we made lots of cookies, did lots of laundry together, had lots of chit chats, laughed a lot, got beat in MEMORY games almost weekly...those times are irreplaceable.

...Because NOW...I'm dealing with a tired and emotional and stressed out 6 year old. She's not being bad or whiney, she's just reached her limit. For the first time EVER she didn't want to walk out on the soccer field last night because Ryan and I were dropping her off and leaving to go on a date night. (A much needed date night, nonetheless). A friend of mine (and one of Ellie's favorite people ever) was going to be watching her practice and bringing her home for us. But...when we got to practice, she didn't want to leave my side. She said she couldn't go out there. Yes she ultimately did, and loved it, and did very well...but she was hesitant, and that was weird for her.
This morning...same thing...literally would NOT walk into her classroom. Day 7 of school, lots of genuine tears, wholehearted requests for me not to leave her.Um yeah, talk about ripping my heart out. And this is ELLIE who is my social butterfly and the leader of the pack.

And to top it off she came home saying that a "friend" at school nicknamed another girl "UGLY" and called her that at recess. Ellie said she didn't do it. But how long will she remain OK with not fitting in with the mean girls??

So needless to say, it's been a hard week. It's hard to know what to say and how to respond with wisdom and grace, while instilling courage along the way. Being a parent is hard.

Day 1 of 1

Open house night....

So I sent my first kid to her first day of school of her first grade year. Yep. It happened.

I seriously had flashbacks of trying to shoosh her to get her to sleep when she was 2 weeks old...then cleaning up smeared poo off her walls when she was 2, and then when she was 3, making her sit in the car and swallow her peas (that had been in her mouth for 1.5 hours, after dinner) before we went into small group. I remembered the gazillions of mornings we've had together watching PBS kids and having a casual breakfast with her bunny blankie in tow. I pictured SO MANY mornings cuddled under the blankets in my bed. I remember when she turned 4 and took her first shower. And here I was, encouraging my BIG GIRL to get out of the shower so she could get dressed for SCHOOL. As I was driving her to school I just couldn't help but drift into a daze. No tears at that point, just kindof a shocked state of mind that I was "releasing Ellie" into the world.

What a weird feeling. And really... I seriously don't like it. Maybe I'm crazy or just simply over emotional right now cause it's been a tough week. But really, I don't think so. I just LOVE spending time with Ellie, Emma, and Griff. I'm not one of those moms who does a cheer when she turns around and walks in the house after her kids get on the bus the 1st day of school. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). I just LOVE my days with them; they are precious and they are fleeting. And I also feel an incredible responsibility for them. It's gonna be even HARDER work to model, correct, train, discipline, and instruct, now that she's not under my roof for 6.5 hours a day. Whew.

I was overwhelmed when I walked down the hallway away from her classroom. Her teacher was in charge and yet her teacher wouldn't really be involved in every little thing of Ellie's day. She would give rules, give assistance, teach a few things, and manage the classroom. But she wouldn't ask Ellie what she was thinking when she made her "that hurt my feelings face." She wouldn't make sure she ate her fruits and veggies at lunch...BEFORE her treat. She wouldn't remind Ellie that when a classmate cut in line in front of her that she should say "that's ok, you can go first..." and WHY Jesus wants us to treat people like that. And she certainly wouldn't remind Ellie to stop and pray and ask God for help or courage when she felt nervous or overwhelmed. So yeah...I drove away from that school just praying those things over my sweet peanut today. And man oh man did I ask God to intervene!!

The girls sang this super cheesy song at VBS this summer about being a sunbeam. I'm now needing to somehow gently help Ellie remember that she gets to BE THAT this year not only to her sister and brother...but to lots of other people that may sometimes be tough to love. And man do I get that---people are tough. And girls are worse. ;)

So here's to a new year and a crazy new kind of routine!! School day ended at 3:30, dinner on the table at 5:30 followed with our attempts at lovingly and firmly walking her through relational STUFF, baths, playtime, book time, prayer time, bedtime. Whew. I'm wiped. Now we do it all again tomorrow...

And what's even crazier is to think that the other two munchkins in this picture...

will be doing this in the blink of an eye. SAVOR EVERY MOMENT!!!!!!!

Our beloved babe

It's been a rough few days. Having to put Tellie down on Friday morning was by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Ryan pointed out that her stomach looked huge and swollen and so I called the vet right away and said we were bringing her in. She hadn't eaten hardly anything in 5 days, so I knew it wasn't just a lot of food. She was sick; really sick. I had the girls say goodbye to her before we took her to the vet because I knew deep in me that she wouldn't be coming home with us. That sucked. It was harder than anything. Ellie just laid on Tellie's back and sobbed, saying WHY does Tellie have to die? Why is she sick? I don't want to say goodbye to Tellie! Emma didn't cry at all until we actually walked out the door with her, then she lost it. It was horrible.

Ryan and I took her in and I'm just simply not going to relive the details of that 2 hours. I will never forget it; it's etched in my head so clearly. But saying goodbye was not easy. She stood by us (even though she was miserable) for most of the appointment. When the doc left the room and gave us a few minutes with her before they came back in, Tellie just laid down against the wall. It was like she knew what was about to happen. Hugging her and smooching her was just priceless. But I've never had to say goodbye to a family member, knowing that in exactly 5 min. we would be putting her to sleep. It was weird and eerie and almost cruel. But it wasn't, it was right. She was so sick and only had a few more days to live on her own, if that at all.

I will never forget Tellie. I will never forget our first baby. She was my lifeline that first year of marriage when I was away from home and feeling lonely. I loved playing frisbee with her and running with her. I love that she never had to walk on a leash because she just ALWAYS stuck right by me. I love that she was always on my tail. I loved how good she was when each and every kid came home from the hospital...and throughout their annoying stages when they would just run and climb/jump on her. She was always ok with being the jungle jim. I loved how much she loved the lake. Oh my gosh she would go BONKERS when we would turn on Devils Lake Hwy...she knew we were there. And I love that she would "fish," to no avail, for 8 hours a day when we were up there.

Oh Tell, I'm gonna miss you. You will never be replaced. You will always be my dog. My kids might have a dog someday, but you will always be mine. ;)

Need to get back at this

I kindof fell off the blogging bandwagon. I never thought I would really say that I just DON'T have time, but this summer has been crazy. I think I need to make it a priority because I absolutely love the blog books that I've printed the last 3 years. They have captured so much about our daily life, crazy stuff and fun stuff as a family. And I feel bad that Griffin's first year wasn't captured quite the same as the previous two years were. So here's to GETTIN BACK AT IT!!

I'm currently sitting in my family room on a couch with my Bible and a cup of coffee. I love that God woke Ellie up early today. She came down just now and I got to share with her what I'm learning in 1 Timothy. It also provided a moment for me to remind her how much I need God to be a good mommy to her and G and Ems. I told her that I don't want to just tell her that we need to trust God but I want her to know that I HAVE TO DO THAT in order to be patient and pure and strong and faithful. Because my own selfish desires make it hard for me to be those things. I told her that (even though I can't wrap my brain around it) God loves her even more than I do. And he wants us to journey through this crazy life together, needing and relying on God more and more everyday.

So now...Ellie is lounging on a different couch, in a different room, reading her Bible. (I think it's her Jesus Storybook Bible...a MUST HAVE for every family. Incredible book). I just shouted in there and asked what she was reading. She said she's reading about Abraham and Isaac and how Abraham had to trust in God. Awesome El. You let that sink in, girl!

Man oh man it's good to be real with my kids...I want them to see me with my Bible in my hands more than it is. I want it to be the one item on my kitchen counter that doesn't get put away in a drawer everyday. I want them to see me NEED God's word.

I read on a different blog this week and was reminded that we have 3 sets of eyes looking up at Ryan and I every single day. They don't go away. They don't "get life" on their own. They need so much guidance and instruction. Wow...what a responsibility. A great one. So reading 1 Timothy 1:5 this morning challenged me to instruct and discipline and teach OUT OF A pure heart and good conscience and a sincere faith. That's easier said than done and I need to do some self evaluating I think. Whew. Thank you Jesus for saving me...I need you so!!!