Day 1 of 1

Open house night....

So I sent my first kid to her first day of school of her first grade year. Yep. It happened.

I seriously had flashbacks of trying to shoosh her to get her to sleep when she was 2 weeks old...then cleaning up smeared poo off her walls when she was 2, and then when she was 3, making her sit in the car and swallow her peas (that had been in her mouth for 1.5 hours, after dinner) before we went into small group. I remembered the gazillions of mornings we've had together watching PBS kids and having a casual breakfast with her bunny blankie in tow. I pictured SO MANY mornings cuddled under the blankets in my bed. I remember when she turned 4 and took her first shower. And here I was, encouraging my BIG GIRL to get out of the shower so she could get dressed for SCHOOL. As I was driving her to school I just couldn't help but drift into a daze. No tears at that point, just kindof a shocked state of mind that I was "releasing Ellie" into the world.

What a weird feeling. And really... I seriously don't like it. Maybe I'm crazy or just simply over emotional right now cause it's been a tough week. But really, I don't think so. I just LOVE spending time with Ellie, Emma, and Griff. I'm not one of those moms who does a cheer when she turns around and walks in the house after her kids get on the bus the 1st day of school. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). I just LOVE my days with them; they are precious and they are fleeting. And I also feel an incredible responsibility for them. It's gonna be even HARDER work to model, correct, train, discipline, and instruct, now that she's not under my roof for 6.5 hours a day. Whew.

I was overwhelmed when I walked down the hallway away from her classroom. Her teacher was in charge and yet her teacher wouldn't really be involved in every little thing of Ellie's day. She would give rules, give assistance, teach a few things, and manage the classroom. But she wouldn't ask Ellie what she was thinking when she made her "that hurt my feelings face." She wouldn't make sure she ate her fruits and veggies at lunch...BEFORE her treat. She wouldn't remind Ellie that when a classmate cut in line in front of her that she should say "that's ok, you can go first..." and WHY Jesus wants us to treat people like that. And she certainly wouldn't remind Ellie to stop and pray and ask God for help or courage when she felt nervous or overwhelmed. So yeah...I drove away from that school just praying those things over my sweet peanut today. And man oh man did I ask God to intervene!!

The girls sang this super cheesy song at VBS this summer about being a sunbeam. I'm now needing to somehow gently help Ellie remember that she gets to BE THAT this year not only to her sister and brother...but to lots of other people that may sometimes be tough to love. And man do I get that---people are tough. And girls are worse. ;)

So here's to a new year and a crazy new kind of routine!! School day ended at 3:30, dinner on the table at 5:30 followed with our attempts at lovingly and firmly walking her through relational STUFF, baths, playtime, book time, prayer time, bedtime. Whew. I'm wiped. Now we do it all again tomorrow...

And what's even crazier is to think that the other two munchkins in this picture...

will be doing this in the blink of an eye. SAVOR EVERY MOMENT!!!!!!!

Our beloved babe

It's been a rough few days. Having to put Tellie down on Friday morning was by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Ryan pointed out that her stomach looked huge and swollen and so I called the vet right away and said we were bringing her in. She hadn't eaten hardly anything in 5 days, so I knew it wasn't just a lot of food. She was sick; really sick. I had the girls say goodbye to her before we took her to the vet because I knew deep in me that she wouldn't be coming home with us. That sucked. It was harder than anything. Ellie just laid on Tellie's back and sobbed, saying WHY does Tellie have to die? Why is she sick? I don't want to say goodbye to Tellie! Emma didn't cry at all until we actually walked out the door with her, then she lost it. It was horrible.

Ryan and I took her in and I'm just simply not going to relive the details of that 2 hours. I will never forget it; it's etched in my head so clearly. But saying goodbye was not easy. She stood by us (even though she was miserable) for most of the appointment. When the doc left the room and gave us a few minutes with her before they came back in, Tellie just laid down against the wall. It was like she knew what was about to happen. Hugging her and smooching her was just priceless. But I've never had to say goodbye to a family member, knowing that in exactly 5 min. we would be putting her to sleep. It was weird and eerie and almost cruel. But it wasn't, it was right. She was so sick and only had a few more days to live on her own, if that at all.

I will never forget Tellie. I will never forget our first baby. She was my lifeline that first year of marriage when I was away from home and feeling lonely. I loved playing frisbee with her and running with her. I love that she never had to walk on a leash because she just ALWAYS stuck right by me. I love that she was always on my tail. I loved how good she was when each and every kid came home from the hospital...and throughout their annoying stages when they would just run and climb/jump on her. She was always ok with being the jungle jim. I loved how much she loved the lake. Oh my gosh she would go BONKERS when we would turn on Devils Lake Hwy...she knew we were there. And I love that she would "fish," to no avail, for 8 hours a day when we were up there.

Oh Tell, I'm gonna miss you. You will never be replaced. You will always be my dog. My kids might have a dog someday, but you will always be mine. ;)

Need to get back at this

I kindof fell off the blogging bandwagon. I never thought I would really say that I just DON'T have time, but this summer has been crazy. I think I need to make it a priority because I absolutely love the blog books that I've printed the last 3 years. They have captured so much about our daily life, crazy stuff and fun stuff as a family. And I feel bad that Griffin's first year wasn't captured quite the same as the previous two years were. So here's to GETTIN BACK AT IT!!

I'm currently sitting in my family room on a couch with my Bible and a cup of coffee. I love that God woke Ellie up early today. She came down just now and I got to share with her what I'm learning in 1 Timothy. It also provided a moment for me to remind her how much I need God to be a good mommy to her and G and Ems. I told her that I don't want to just tell her that we need to trust God but I want her to know that I HAVE TO DO THAT in order to be patient and pure and strong and faithful. Because my own selfish desires make it hard for me to be those things. I told her that (even though I can't wrap my brain around it) God loves her even more than I do. And he wants us to journey through this crazy life together, needing and relying on God more and more everyday.

So now...Ellie is lounging on a different couch, in a different room, reading her Bible. (I think it's her Jesus Storybook Bible...a MUST HAVE for every family. Incredible book). I just shouted in there and asked what she was reading. She said she's reading about Abraham and Isaac and how Abraham had to trust in God. Awesome El. You let that sink in, girl!

Man oh man it's good to be real with my kids...I want them to see me with my Bible in my hands more than it is. I want it to be the one item on my kitchen counter that doesn't get put away in a drawer everyday. I want them to see me NEED God's word.

I read on a different blog this week and was reminded that we have 3 sets of eyes looking up at Ryan and I every single day. They don't go away. They don't "get life" on their own. They need so much guidance and instruction. Wow...what a responsibility. A great one. So reading 1 Timothy 1:5 this morning challenged me to instruct and discipline and teach OUT OF A pure heart and good conscience and a sincere faith. That's easier said than done and I need to do some self evaluating I think. Whew. Thank you Jesus for saving me...I need you so!!!

5 Snows at the lake

Breath of fresh air. Good times. Loved every minute. Wished it could have lasted more than 3 days...such a blessing to have this wonderful place to retreat to. Boat rides, lazy mornings, marshmallows galore, swimming and collecting "sea shells," lunch in the grass, music on the patio, 9:00 glass of wine watching the sunset on the water...what an incredible few moments to capture. Thank you Jesus and thank you Mom and Dad!!!!

Griffin was still in his helmet, and it WAS rough being at the lake in the August heat with no AC...but we weren't strict about making him keep it on if it meant overheating for our little dude. He is such a trooper. I have said it a million times and could say it 100 more...what a chilled out, laid back, easy going, handsome little man. :)





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